Two days and a whole lot of tears

Let me start by saying that Alton Brown (and his show, Good Eats) has a lot of things going for him. He makes cooking interesting to a whole new audience. He makes it wonderfully geeky by explaining the science, he adds fun trivia, and me makes everything so exact and analytical that there's little room for error.

But I guess its that last bit that grates on my nerves a little. I hate the idea that there is only one way to do something, one way things are supposed to taste and one right way. What if I like my beans squishy and my pasta past al dente? What if I don't have the "right" kind of blender or I don't have three hours to drain my tofu? What if I forgot to buy one of the twelve vitally important herbs that were supposed to go in that bouquet garni...or forgot the bouquet garni all together? I want cooking to be more personalized, more spur of the moment and less rigid.

My other problem with Alton Brown is that he is some sort of black magic juju wizard. He somehow manages to make onions caramelize in 45 minutes when in my reality they take hours, his sauce ends up clear when mine ends of weirdly black (yes, I followed directions) and how on earth did he know that cake crumbs at the bottom of a pear gallette was amazingly delicious?

Maybe I'm just bitter because I tried to make French Onion Soup from the Good Eats cookbook and it did not turn out as planned. I got home at six and immediately set to work chopping the three pounds of onions (the original recipe called for FIVE!) which took me at least an hour because I had to keep stopping to wash my eyes out so I could see what I was chopping. Then I began the three and a half hour process of caramelizing the onions! The recipe said it would take 45 minutes on an electric skillet, but I never imagined it would take THAT much longer. When it finally came time to add the wine, broth and bouquet garni, I realized that I missed that bouquet garni bit in the recipe, but it was too late now so I added a little balsamic vinegar and let things simmer until bedtime.

Cut to the next day, I went to work reeking of onions and the smell was like a punch in the face upon returning home. By the time the onion soup went it the oven I was already over this whole adventure, but when I finally pulled the cheese covered, bubbling soup out of the oven it was hard to stay annoyed. It was delicious, and the leftovers we froze were even better.

It might be a long time before I make it again, but it was totally worth it.

Totally Worth It French Onion Soup
(adapted from French Onion Soup from Good Eats: The Early Years)

3 lbs yellow onions (larger onions are easier to work with, sugarier will caramelize better)
3 T. butter
2 t. salt
2 t. brown sugar
1 c. white wine
4 c. vegetable broth
1-2 T. balsamic vinegar
1/2 loaf french bread
1 c. shredded swiss cheese (and maybe a little smoked gouda if you've got it)

Store the onions in the fridge until you're ready to start the cutting and only remove a few at a time. Cut the onions in half lengthwise and place cut side down on the cutting board. Peel on half and slice down the length of the onion in a radius (if that doesn't make sense, I'd look at Alton's pictures for direction). Once finished with the batch, place in the fridge or freezer and do what you have to do to be able to see again. Repeat with the remaining onions.
Melt the butter in a big soup pot over medium heat, add all those onions, the salt and the sugar and stir. Adjust the heat so that you can't hear the onions sizzle and then leave it, stirring occasionally, until the onions are a super tender and deep brown. This took me three and a half hours, so be patient and don't wait on your dinner.
Add the wine and scrub all the caramelized bits off the bottom of the pan (deglaze if you wanna be all fancy about it). Turn up the heat to high and cook until the wine is thickened, then add the broth and the vinegar and simmer for a half hour (don't forget to turn the heat back down).
When you're ready to finish the soup, turn the oven on to 375 degrees. Cut the bread into 1 inch cubes and toast on a cookie sheet for 5-10 minutes. Pour the soup into oven safe single serving containers (I stored the soup in some lidded correll casserole dishes which easily went from the fridge/freezer to the oven). If the soup is frozen or refrigerated, heat in the oven until the soup is bubbling, then add the bread cubes and the cheese and bake until everything is melty, bubbly and delicious looking. If the soup has been cooking, you can put the bread and cheese on at the start.