Taking a joke waaay too far

While my sister was in Hawaii last week she posted a status report complaining about the Mai Tais in Maui. She said that serving her a crappy drink and calling it a Maui Mai Tai was equivalent to her taking a block of tofu, wrapping it in kale and calling it Seattle Pork Lau Lau.

So I joked with her that she must make me some Seattle Pork Lau Lau the second she comes back home.

Cut to last night when she invites me over ands jokes that I should bring some Seattle Pork Lau Lau.

Well I just couldn't resist a challenge like that, so I went straight to the store for supplies.

But when I got to the store I found myself wandering the aisles puzzling over what one would put into Seattle Pork Lau Lau. Tofu and kale were requirements, but what comes after that? Do I take the flavors in a Northwest direction or do I give it some Hawaiian flair? Hawaiian seemed like more fun so I settled on that.

Until I realized that I have no idea what makes something taste Hawaiian, short of pineapple. So I grabbed a can of pineapple and thought about what would taste good with that. Teryaki sauce came to mind, so I wandered that direction and found something called Huli Huli sauce, which is "authentically Hawaiian". Perfect! Everything was falling into place.

I drained the tofu and marinated it. But when I looked at the chard I bought (the kale looked like it would be difficult to wrap with so I decided 'authentic' Seattle Pork Lau Lau uses chard) the leaves were small or full of holes and extremely brittle. So I cooked them until they were soft but that didn't help the small leaves and giant holes. So I took several leaves and leaf pieces and pieced them together (squishing them together to make one sheet).

I'm not saying this is remotely similar to traditional pork lau lau, but the thing that started as a joke turned out to be quite tasty.

Seattle Pork Lau Lau

1 block of firm tofu
1/3 cup Huli Huli sauce
1/4 cup soy sauce
the juice of one lime
a bunch of rainbow chard (I'm going to guess it was 1 pound)
2 green onions, sliced (everything except the root end and any green that looks like its seen better days)
pineapple juice and extra huli huli sauce

Slice the tofu into about 1/2 slices and drain (I do this with paper or dish towels and a lot of weight, but it makes it a little ugly and smooshed. You can do it with less weight, but it takes longer to get good and dry). Once drained dice into 1/2 inch cubes.
Mix together the Huli Huli sauce, soy sauce and lime juice and pour over the tofu cubes.
Meanwhile, cut the heavy stems out of the leaves and give them a really good washing. Then place the leaves in a large pan of water, add some salt and set it over medium heat until the leaves are soft.
While the leaves are cooking, heat some oil in a pan and add the tofu. Cook until the tofu has browned, stirring occasionally. Add the green onions and cook a minute or two longer, then pull from the heat.
Cool the leaves and pat them dry.
Piece together enough leaves to make a leaf sheet about 10 inches long and six inches wide (mine were ovals, so six inches was the fattest point).
Place about 1/3 cup of the filling in the center of the leaf and roll it up like a burrito, and place in a baking dish.
Pour a little pineapple juice and some Huli Huli sauce over the rolls and bake, covered for 15-20 minutes at 350 degrees (or just use the microwave like I did).

You'll end up with some leftover tofu from this, I think it would be excellent stuffed inside a bit of Hawaiian bread.